Metamorphosis
by Chalcedon
Summary: **Author's note added** Pippin attempts to seduce a heterosexual Merry. This is a co-authored by Ezra Kinslayer.
1. Prologue

This is a first for both of us. Ezra and I have known each other for a few years, but this is our first collaboration of any kind. Please be nice, or not. It's your choice.  
  
Notes:  
After spirited debate, we decided that Drag!Pippin would not fit within canon no matter how we twist it. So we are slapping a big, fat AU on this story.  
  
As this is not canon, a few minor changes have been made.   
1. Paladin Took dies in 1420, but Pippin does not become the Thain. (that's explained later).  
2. Frodo doesn't go to The Havens... at least we don't think he does. He might change his mind later.  
3. There will be possible OOC-ness, but this is an AU.  
  
Title: Metamorphosis  
Authors: Red Light District and Ezra  
Rating: PG-13 and possible NC-17 in later parts (if it ever goes to NC-17 you'll find those chapters at the Merry_Piplovers group at yahoo).  
Warnings: crossdressing, angst, psych issues, and Straight!Merry  
Summary: We cheated a bit... the prologue is the summary.   
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~   
  
Hobbit society is changing. To the everlasting horror of the conservatives, the younger generation is experiencing a sexual revolution. Experimentation is more common and same gender couples are going public.  
  
Yet not all the young have embraced the changes, and some remain true to tradition. Among these is Meriadoc. Indifferent to males, he respects his friends' lifestyles. But will his indifference continue if he discovers his housemate's true feelings?  
  
---  
TBC  
  
And now what you've all been waiting for! Random snippets from several chapters:  
  
We were sitting in our kitchen well on our way to being drunk. Of course he had to bring up the subject of girls. And of course it had to lead to our preferred types.  
  
"Well," slurred Merry. "I like all kinds. But I must admit I'm a sucker for green eyes. And with a good figure..." he trailed off with a sigh.  
  
I wish I was a girl  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"But you *would* make a lovely girl, Pip. With all that hair... and your features... I have friends that would kill for your complexion!" exclaimed Pearl. "I remember when you were little we'd dress you up. You always made such a pretty little lass. We should try it again."  
  
"I can't do that!" he cried.   
  
"You want him don't you?  
  
"But it would never work, and he'd hate me when he found out!"  
  
"Think it over, little brother. I'll always help you if you change your mind."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Pippin stood on Pearl's doorstep and knocked timidly. How did she know I'd be back? This has to work... I'll have nothing left if it doesn't.  
  
The door swung open to reveal his older sister. She lifted a brow and seemed ready to say "I told you say", when she noticed his tearstained face. Her face softened as she let him in.  
  
"What happened dearest?"   
  
There was a long silence before he whispered, "she had green eyes."  
  
---  
End Teaser   
  
Please keep in mind that any part of the above teaser is subject to editing or removal. We'll see how it all works out.  
  
Curious yet? 


	2. Drunken Musings

Disclaimer: We forgot to put one in the Prologue, but guess what! If you recognize it, then we don't own it. The Tolkien family owns everything.  
  
Title: Metamorphosis 1: Drunken Musings  
Authors: Red Light District and Ezra  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: preferences are revealed and a seed is planted. (Pippin-Pov)  
  
---  
  
Pippin wasn't sure why, but Merry had decided that today was a good day to get drunk together. As always, he acquiesced to Merry's wishes. I've spent years doing what he wanted. Why stop now? Besides, if he's drunk I might be able to sneak in a few cuddles...  
  
A drunken Merry was usually amusing, but drunken Merry also had the bad habit of turning every conversation into a dissertation on various females and their charms.  
  
"Now Delia Goold! There's a fine looking lass and affectionate, too." he smirked.  
  
"Really," replied Pippin trying to sound interested.  
  
Merry nodded emphatically. "What about Diamond?" he asked. At Pippin's blank look he   
added, "you know the one from Long Cleeve that you've been spending so much time with."   
  
Pippin blushed, "She's just a friend. I'd never dream of doing anything with her!" only with you.  
  
But Merry was going on about the umpteenth girl of this evening and didn't press the matter. Finally, after several more mugs, he quieted. Pippin breathed a sigh of relief since the discussion about feminine attributes was over. However, Merry's next question almost gave him heart failure.  
  
"What's your type, Pip?"  
  
Pippin choked on his drink and coughed for a few minutes before gasping "What?"  
  
Merry looked at him strangely before saying, "I mean what's your favorite? What do you look for in a lass?"  
  
"Emm..." he hesitated. "I don't have a type." unless I count you...   
  
"Ahh... well that's good I suppose," said Merry doubtfully. "But I'll admit I have a weakness for green eyes. And if she has a good figure... slender yet fulsome is what they call it... I'm done for then."  
  
Pippin watched as Merry launched into a lengthy description of his dream girl and concentrated on becoming as drunk as possible. Merry was still having his one-sided conversation when Pippin slumped over on the table.  
  
I wish I was a lass.  
  
---  
TBC in Chapter Two: A Proposition  
  
Hopefully, the chapters will get longer as the story progresses. We'd like to apologize right now if there's any irregularity in tenses and/or he/you/I usage.  
  
Ezra: It's probably my fault, but once we get used to co-writing the grammar and style problems should smooth out. 


	3. A Proposition

Disclaimer: We own nothing.  
  
Title: Metamorphosis 2: A Proposition  
Authors: Red Light District and Ezra  
Summary: The morning after, a meeting, and the seed is watered.  
  
Notes are in The Prologue.   
  
Ezra now has an account. Her pen name is Ezra Kinslayer.  
  
---  
  
The next morning Pippin woke up with a splitting headache. He attempted to sit up but dropped back onto the pillows at the rising nausea.  
  
"Ooh..." he moaned pitifully. "I think I'm going to be sick."  
  
"I'm not surprised," said Merry's amused voice.  
  
He would have jumped but remembered the pain in time. He squinted as Merry opened the curtains and asked, "What are you doing here, why can you walk, and how did I get into bed?" I'm sure I passed out on the table...  
  
Merry chuckled and said, "I wanted to check on you. I can hold my liquor better than you. I put you there."  
  
Pippin blinked. When had Merry walked to the bed? It was probably when I had my eyes closed He was sitting right beside him now. Instead of asking that he said, "That's not true. I could drink you under the table any day."  
  
"Hardly. But with the way you were drinking last night that doesn't matter. Is something wrong, Pip?"  
  
Now he saw the concern behind Merry's amusement. How am I supposed to answer that? Oh nothing really... I'm just hopelessly in love with you and hated those girls because they got to touch you. So I decided that getting drunk enough to pass out would be better than hearing about your perfect girl. Right. That would go over well.  
  
"Nothing's wrong," he sighed. "I just had a few too many."  
  
"If you say so, Pippin. Do you need help getting up or dressed? Anything at all?"  
  
Pippin thought of Merry's hands on his bare skin and his mouth went dry. "Ergh," he stopped and cleared his throat. "No, no I'm fine. I'm all grown up. I've even been dressing myself since last year." he said lightly.  
  
"Fine!" Merry grinned. "I know when I'm not wanted," he said playfully. "It was just an offer." As he got up to leave Pippin felt a pang of regret.  
  
"I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything." Then as suddenly as Merry had entered he was gone.  
  
Pippin looked at the empty room and sighed. "Peregrin Took, you are without a doubt the biggest idiot on Middle-Earth."  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
After breakfast, Pippin left the house as quickly as he could. He walked without seeing his surroundings and was surprised to find himself in the marketplace. He wandered aimlessly, lost in thoughts, until a familiar voice interrupted his reverie.  
  
"Pippin!"  
  
Turning around, he cast his gaze about until he saw Pearl rushing to him vegetable basket in hand. She reached out and hugged him exuberantly.   
  
"Why if it isn't my little brother!" she exclaimed. "How are you? It seems an age since I last saw you."  
  
"Ahh... I can't complain."   
  
"But nothing good to say either, right?" she asked shrewdly. "Why don't you join me for second breakfast and we can catch up."  
  
"We just saw each other last week, Pearl." he reminded.  
  
She waved her hand dismissively and said, "Completely irrelevant. Besides, I'm sure you have more to tell me about our dear cousin."  
  
"It's just more of the same," he protested. "We don't need to talk about it again."  
  
"I'll be the judge of that."  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
There were definite disadvantages with having such a stubborn older sister. Although he loved her dearly, she was very nosy and very persuasive. So it was that he found himself in Pearl's home drinking tea as she put breakfast on the table.  
  
"I somehow doubt that your tea holds the answer to life, Pippin." she said dryly.  
  
He blushed but continued to stare at the dregs in the bottom of his cup. He sighed and put his cup down. As she sat down at the table he began, "We got drunk again last night."  
  
"I see." Why is Merry so blind, and why won't Pippin leave? I could kill him for hurting Pippin so much... "Did he talk about his latest conquests?"  
  
"You know our cousin well." I just need to keep reminding myself that he's my cousin...  
  
"And... was that all?" she asked knowingly.  
  
"No... we-I mean-he talked about his preferences." he replied and reached for the mushrooms.  
  
Pearl smacked him hand, and moved the plate away from him. "No breakfast until you finish the story. I know you'll get out of it, if you eat now."  
  
"Fine," he said huffily. Why do I love her? "He said that he likes slender, green eyed girls with large bosoms."  
  
Hmm... slender, green eyes, large bosom-well, that can always be fixed... Sounds like somebody I know.  
  
With a perfectly innocent face Pearl said, "That sounds a bit like you. If you were a girl." Ignoring the shock on his face she continued, "But you *would* make a lovely girl, Pippin. With all that hair... and your features are just delicate enough. I have friends that would kill for your complexion!" exclaimed Pearl. "I remember when you were little we'd dress you up. You always made such a pretty little lass. We should try it again."  
  
"Are you insane!? I can't do that!" he cried.   
  
"Why not? You want him don't you?  
  
"It would never work, and he'd hate me when he found out!"  
  
"Think it over, little brother. I'll always help you if you change your mind."  
  
"No! I am not going along with another of your half-baked schemes!"  
  
"Half-baked schemes," she said angrily. "As though you haven't had your share of them! I'd like to see you come up with a better idea!"  
  
At her words Pippin was reminded of the hopelessness of his situation. She's right, I don't have a better idea. At least I can be with him everyday... "No, I'm sorry Pearl. I shouldn't have said that to you. You just startled me."  
  
"Does that mean you'll try it?"  
  
"No, it just means that I shouldn't have yelled at you."  
  
She glared at him a moment before smiling. "Well, let's just have breakfast in peace. We wouldn't want all of this to go to waste." Mark my words, Pippin. You'll be back.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
"Thank you for second breakfast Pearl. It was good to visit with you."  
  
"Don't forget what I said."   
  
"I won't," he said placatingly and walked down the lane.  
  
Pearl walked back inside her now quiet home. It would have been so much easier if you'd been a girl. You should have been... I'm still not sure if it was a good or bad thing that the Banks side didn't come out again.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  
Paladin came out of his and Eglantine's bedroom beaming. "Girls! Come and meet your new little brother, Peregrin!"  
  
Pearl and Pimpernel exchanged looks. Brother?   
  
"Come along 'Vinca." said Pearl, taking her by the hand. "Let's meet Peregrin."  
  
I can't believe all that sewing gone to waste! Mum never thought that it would be a boy... Da's bursting with pride though. You'd think that he'd given birth himself!  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
"Oh girls! Come in," called Eglantine weakly. "Look at my little Pippin. He's beautiful." She returned to cooing over the infant, but Pippin looked about the room with wide, unfocused green eyes. They focused on Pearl and she could have sworn he smiled at her.  
  
Don't be ridiculous! Everybody knows that newborns can't smile or focus on things. But still...  
  
"He's so pretty, Mum." squealed Pervinca. "Just like one of my dolls!"   
  
The proud parents exchanged smiles over her head. "Not exactly, 'Vinca. You can't play with him yet."  
  
"I thought we were going to have a new sister," said Pimpernel confusedly.  
  
"We did too sweetling, but we were blessed with a boy instead."  
  
"Yes, and that means that the Tooks will keep the Thainship!" their father added jubilantly.  
  
"Really Paladin!" scolded Eglantine.  
  
Pearl rolled her eyes while Pimpernel and 'Vinca looked at her for an explanation. Of course, that's all Da cares about. He was happy enough when he thought it was girl, but he'll be unbearable now. You'd think they'd never seen a baby. After all, it only matters for the Thainship and all that cursed sewing...  
  
---  
TBC in Chapter Three: Decisions  
  
Ezra: The flashback seems a bit off to me. Red Light District thinks that Pearl might sound a little too old for only being 15. But I told her that the oldest child always grows up faster.  
  
Red Light District: Were the mental and verbal conversations confusing? If they are, then please suggest a different way to write them. 


	4. Decisions

Disclaimer: Pippin belongs to Merry, and Merry belongs to Pippin.... Damn. You didn't believe me. Fine. If you recognize it, then Tolkien owns it.  
  
Title: Metamorphosis 3: Decisions  
Authors: Red Light District and Ezra  
Summary: Observations, business trips, and the seed sprouts.  
Archive: Ask and you shall recieve. We'd like to send the edited version since the originals seem full of typos.  
  
Oh... there's style experimentation going on. Don't hurt us. Actually, it's not on purpose; the style seems to change spontaneously... is that a hazard of co-writing or are we special?  
  
Hope this chapter isn't too confusing... there are quite a few mental conversations mixed in with speaking.  
  
---  
  
It had been a week since their drunken conversation. A week since Pearl's ridiculous suggestion. If it was so ridiculous, then why does it plague me so?  
  
Life with Merry had gone on unchanged. He still pined silently, and Merry continued chasing skirts. Despite all of that, he was going on. He was living, and enjoying every moment he could spend with Merry.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~   
  
It had been a quiet day, and blissfully free from talk of lasses. Pippin was thrilled to have the old Merry back even for a day. This was the Merry he'd fallen in love with. Happy again, his mother's summons met with mixed emotions. Putting the letter down he sighed and went outdoors to find Merry.  
  
Pippin found him trimming the grass and took a moment to watch him without fear of discovery. And once again I am grateful that Merry didn't listen to me when I suggested hiring a gardner... Does he even realize how wonderful he looks?  
  
"Merry," called Pippin.  
  
"Yes," he said stopping his work. "What is it?"   
  
Pippin looked at him pensively before replying, "Mum's asked me to go to Tookborough. She says there's a land dispute I should settle since I'll be the Thain in a few years."  
  
"Ahh... How long will you be gone?"  
  
"A fortnight, maybe more," Pippin said casually. "Hardly enough time to miss me."  
  
"You know I'll miss you," he protested.  
  
"Of course you will. I just wanted you to know. I'll be inside packing since I'm to be there tonight."  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~   
12 days later  
  
I'm almost home! Wont' Merry be surprised to see me two days early? I can't believe that everything was settled in a day. Mum's was so proud of me. She told me that I'd do fine when the time came...  
  
As rode down the lane to their hole, he realized that nobody was there. I'll just stable the pony and unpack then... he must have gone out... While caring for his pony he heard a muffled voice and feminine laughter from the road. It must be nice to have somebody... As they drew closer he could understand words, and he recognized Merry's voice. Pippin was torn between the desire to run and the need to see who was with *his* Merry. His need won. Quietly he ran out and flattened himself against the barn wall as he peered into the darkness. Who is that? He cursed the cloudy sky, but, as if in answer, they shifted and moonlight fell upon the couple whose voices carried clearly to the still figure.   
  
"Are you sure I should be here?" she asked.  
  
"I'm certain. After all, he's not to be back for another day at least." assured Merry.  
  
"You could charm your way into anything," she laughed.  
  
"Me?" he questioned modestly. "You know... you're the only one I've ever brought here."  
  
"Truly?" she asked amazedly. "But there's nothing special about me..."  
  
"Yes, there is, Laurel. When I look in your eyes... I'd do anything for you." he said earnestly.  
  
By the time they'd stopped at the door to kiss, Pippin was sitting on the ground sobbing silently. It's another one of *them*. How could he do that to me? Why Merry? Finally, the tears subsided, and he stood up scrubbing at his face resolutely. I'm going to see Pearl.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~   
  
Pippin stood on Pearl's doorstep and knocked timidly. I need to calm down. It's not as though I've never asked for her help... Did she know I'd be back? She always knows. This *has* to work... I'll have nothing left if it doesn't. But there's nothing she can't fix. This will work. She's always been able to help before...  
  
The door swung open to reveal his older sister. She lifted a brow and seemed ready to say "I told you so", when she noticed his dirty, tearstained face. Her face softened as she let him in.  
  
"What happened dearest?"   
  
There was a long silence before he whispered, "she had green eyes."  
  
"Who did?" she asked gently as she steered him to a chair. If Merry did what I think he did, then there won't be enough of him left to scrape off the road...  
  
At first, he seemed to ignore the question but then he said softly, "Laurel Banks."  
  
"And..." she prompted.  
  
"He brought her home," he muttered.   
  
"He did WHAT!?" she said furiously. I'm going to kill my dear, dear cousin for hurting Pippin like this! How could he do that? Be reasonable Pearl... he didn't know Pippin would be home. Argh! That's irrelevant. It's the principle of the thing.   
  
Suddenly he jumped up and began pacing. "Yes! He brought a lass to our home. I was so eager to get home and see him. Mum didn't want me to leave yet, but I did anyway. I left tonight so I could be with him! Everything I do is for him and this is what I get in return!" he cried. "It's only... I mean... Love isn't supposed to hurt so much..."  
  
At least he agrees with me... "Pippin," she continued more calmly, "I'm glad you realize that he's not worth all of this heartache. You don't need somebody who treats you like that. Even though you aren't in a romantic relationship he should have more respect for you as his housemate."  
  
"Barely a week ago that you were telling me to pursue him," he reminded tartly.  
  
"Well, I was wrong then! You were right; and I was wrong. It was a half-baked scheme, and I should have held my tongue. It would have better if I'd said nothing. I'm sorry, Pippin. Forget about the whole thing."  
  
But during her apology he'd gotten *that* look on his face. The one that meant he'd had a revelation. So it came as no surprise when he exclaimed, "No! I can't do that! He is worth all of this, and I want to try! I need to try at least once... Please Pearl, you promised that you'd always be here if I changed my mind."  
  
"But---"  
  
"Pearl," he said firmly, "I've changed my mind."  
  
She studied his face for long moments and saw the heartbreak, the utter love, but above all the determination. She sighed heavily. "You're going to do this with or without my help aren't you?"  
  
"I'll go to Celandine if I need to." that'll get her.  
  
I can't let him do that! There's no telling what he may do under *her* guidance... She'd probably tell him that the best thing would be to ravish Merry. I've never broken a promise to him before, and I can't start now... "Fine," she said.  
  
"You can stay the night here. Tomorrow we start."   
  
"Thank you." I'd do anything for you Merry.... I'll make you see that I can be everything you need.   
  
  
---  
TBC in Chapter four: Lessons   
  
Hey Amy, there's your favorite line! Did they sound more hobbity?   
  
We hope that everyone's enjoying this as much as we are writing it. The first few chapters have been a bit slow, but hopefully we'll get to the more interesting bits now.  
  
We have no maps of the shire. So we have no real idea about time and distance. From what we've been told, we assume it will take about 5 days of hard riding to go to and from Tookborough. Let's also assume that mail arrives around noonish. This is to clarify the time frame of the little trip Pippin went on.   
  
We used the term fortnight. The Shire calendar has six days in a week and comes from the King's Reckoning. That also has six days in a week. Now, the term fortnight means two weeks. According to that definition a shire fortnight would be 12 days, but we aren't using that definition. The word fortnight came from the Middle English fourtenight which is derived from fourtene night. We absolutely refuse to get into languages right now so we'll just ask you to assume that Westron is something comparable to Middle English. Therefore, Shire fortnight and Present time fortnight both mean fourteen days. Our use of fortnight has now been justified. 


End file.
